Day 1

Okay, so today I went to the Chas clinic and the doc gave me a few prescriptions and a shot… it was a real pain in the ass. I couldn’t afford the prescriptions and actually wanted to cry. It made me realize how much of a mess I have made of my life. I couldn’t even afford the meds that keep me alive.

How can I ever hope to be with Anna  if I continue to live like this? I want to spend the rest of my life with her. For once I can actually see myself spending the rest of my life with someone and start a family with them. I am so scared of losing her. I am affraid that someone better will come along and take her away from me. I need to change, and for once for the good.

Having to deal with my health problems from asthma and ADHD has made me so exausted that I could just pass out. However, I was using an epinephrine inhaler for the last two days and was using alot. I suddenly stopped today because I got my real inhaler and now, my nerves wont stop firing and twitching. I made some tea and hope it helps.

I still cant get Anna off my mind. The entire time I was sick and couldnt breath… all I could think about was if I could really put Anna through all of my problems with health, money, my odd ways. I need to fix myslef so I have more to offer her. Today I did do some job hunting and other research and it felt good. Like I am heading in the right direction.

I am so scared of Losing Anna. She could be with anyone she wanted. She is so beautiful on the inside and out. I don’t feel as if I deserve her. I love her so much. I can’t imagine my life without her and I don’t want to.

I just need to get a better job so I can take care of my debts, help Anna go to school and persue her dreams. I don’t care if I have to work 20 jobs to provide for her… I will. I just hope I make her happy.

Tomorrow I am going to start working out again. I need to lose some weight.

I need to show Anna that I will do whatever it takes. That I am worth it. I want to marry her. I think I might ask soon. I know its only been a little over two months… But when you know, you know.

Well My mind is finally turning in for the night…as are my nerves. I will call it a night as well.